Fear. It’s part of human nature. You stumble upon a scary and/or unfamiliar situation. You get scared and you decide to not ever try. You stay in your comfort zone where you are safe and comfy. You let fear hold you back.
Of course, there are situations in which fear can be helpful. It can even be necessary. That’s why you don’t do dangerous things like walking a lion or dancing on a cliff.
But the other thing about fear is that it can hold you back and keep you stuck. Fear can hold you back from creating the life that you want to live. And that is of course NOT the type of fear that is useful.
That’s why in this blog, I’m going to give you some useful tips on how to kick fear in the butt so that fear no longer stops you from living the life that you are meant to live.
Prefer to watch instead of reading? Check out the video on YouTube 👇:
Fear keeps you stuck and small
In my coaching practice, I see a lot of women who have big dreams but are scared. This fear stops them from stepping into their greatness. They stay stuck in jobs and situations that are keeping them small. Why? Because they’re scared of what might happen when they leap.
And truth be told, I also have fears. Don’t think that the girl behind this blog is fearless because that’s not true!
The tips I’m giving in this blog, I also apply them to my own life. I too have moments where fear takes over and it paralyzes me. But I don’t want fear to be the boss of me. And these tips, help me with this!
But first, let’s see fear works.
How fear holds you back
Like I said, fear is something natural. And there are situations in which fear is good because it keeps us safe. Fear stops you from crossing a street while a truck is coming. Fear stops you from doing anything that stupid or dangerous and might cost you your life or your health.
When fear tries to keep you safe of an actual dangerous situation, it’s a good thing. But, more often then you’d want, you fear-system is working against you.
As long as you stay in your comfort zone, fear is at ease. But as soon as you even think about stepping out of your comfort zone, fear starts to freak out. It tells you to go back. To not cross that line. Because going outside of your comfort zone is dangerous.
When you listen to this, fear doesn’t keep you save. It keeps you stuck. And it blocks you from doing the things that can help you grow and get further in life. That is not the type of fear that we want.
You don’t even try
Maybe you have already experienced this in your life. You wanted to do something you’d never done before. Or you wanted to try something new. But you got scared and you didn’t even try.
You got all kinds of stories in your head that you shouldn’t even try. And you listened to it.
Fear stops you from moving forward
This is how fear stops you from moving forward. But what if the thing you didn’t do, had the potential to help you grow? And develop? And create the life of your dreams?
Then fear is not keeping you save right? It’s keeping you stuck!
Homeless and bankrupt
That’s how fear can also keep you stuck in a situation where you don’t want to be in. I’ve experienced that too.
When I wanted to leave my legal career, fear was really in the driver’s seat for a long time. Because I went to law school and I invested in my legal career, but I wanted to do something else.
What fear was telling me was that I could never do anything else because law is such a specific study. I could never find work outside of the legal field. I was too specialized.
Fear said: “Don’t even try. If you leave your job, you will end up bankrupt and homeless, because there is no other way out.”
Fear = not good
If I would have listened to my fear, I would probably still be crying myself to sleep every night because I was SO unhappy in my job. Yes, I did have that paycheck that gave me a sense of security, but that was not enough. It wasn’t enough for me to be my happy self.
So you see how listening to fear in that situation would not have been helpful at all? If you put fear in the driver’s seat of your life, you’re not going to go anywhere. You’re going to stay stuck and you’re going to stay unhappy, unsatisfied and maybe even miserable. That’s not what I want for you and I’m pretty sure that it’s not what you also want for yourself. So I think it’s clear. Fear is not good.
4 tips to not let fear hold you back
Now, what can you do to nip fear in the bud, so it doesn’t take control of your life? Here are 4 tips that’ll help.
1. Know when fear creeps up
Maybe for you, fear takes over when you need to make a big life decision. Maybe for you fear creeps up when you need to step out of your comfort zone. Maybe fear creeps up to you when you compare yourself to others or when you see the success of others.
Whatever it is, know when fear is taking over your life. Because when you know this, it will make it easier to deal with it.
2. Know where your fear comes from
Very often, our fears don’t come from ourselves. They have been imprinted on us by others. Maybe they were fears from your parents, or fears from society, or fears from someone else you look up to while growing up.
When you know where your fears come from, it makes it easier to make them smaller. Because you know that you’re fears aren’t yours, to begin with, so you don’t need to take them too seriously.
3. Know that your fears aren’t true
Ask yourself if your fears are actually true and real? When you look for evidence that your fears are wrong, you’ll find it!
Let’s look at me for example. I was afraid that I was going to end up homeless on the street. And that I could never do anything else in life than being a lawyer.
Well, I’m writing this blog from my home and you see I didn’t go bankrupt. My fear of going bankrupt was nog true. Also, I successfully left the legal field. So that fear was also NOT TRUE.
Whenever fear tries to take over, look for evidence/examples why your fears aren’t true. Because with that, it’s going to make them less important.
4. Do it anyways
Even when you have evidence that proofs the opposite, it can still be that you’re scared. My advice is to to the thing that you’re scared of anyways.
That’s how you look fear in the eye and show it who’s boss.
And once you’ve done the thing that you’re scared of, you’ll be on the other side of fear. And that’s when you’ll realize that the thing that you were scared of, isn’t that scary at all.